Settling Down?...

*Disclaimer-I am not lamenting on the injustice or unfairness of Life or Love...Nor am I turning my back on the "trials" that we will undoubtedly endure in order to fulfill whatever "vision" we believe God has rooted in our spirit...I am just thinking out loud...So..feel me for a moment...

OK..So...You love this PERSON  ...I mean...you are deeply in LOVE w/ this person. They are "everything" you have always wanted...dreamt about...and they are "perfect" for you...And....You have tried everything humanly possible to be w/ this person...because you believe w/ your whole heart that THIS is the ONE. But trying to be w/ "the one" is about as pleasant as pulling teeth and as satisfying to your spirit as kicking against the pricks...Still...you fast/pray/claim victory after victory through heartache after heartache...disappointment after disappointment...pain... torment... anguish...torture that loving this person has brought into your life....ALL in the name of LOVE....YET still,  your "beloved" remain as distant as ever...

OK..But there is someone in your life that loves you...I mean...LOVES you...Has proven their love. They are there for you...down for you...and totally into you...That "friend" that you can depend on...BUT...your heart tells you this person is not "the one"...you are just not "feeling" them THAT way...

It is said that the heart feels what it feels...wants what it wants...loves who it loves..."The heart can not be controlled".......But why does it seem that (for most of us)most of what the heart wants/feels/loves for us, life/circumstance or no amount of faith/prayer brings/gives to us?...

It has been my personal observation (and experience) that more often than not...Who we want, does not want us...and we usually do not want the ones that do. I have to ask myself why that is...Are we innately masochistic?...I mean if we are in fact truly searching for "love"...truly want to be "loved"....Why is it that we are more prone to viewing the burden of heartache attached to the pursuit of one who obviously does not see us the way we see ourselves...appreciate us the way we know we should be appreciated...value the love that we offer...is not drawn to loving us...as something we should go through...experience as a necessary part of the process of Love?...Yet at the same time, we think there is something wrong w/ taking a good look at the love that is offered w/ a pure heart...Why do we see it as "settling" to stop torturing ourselves and receive that love?...As though we are lowering our expectations by accepting the love of someone who loves us purely?...Is the person's love less meaningful/fulfilling to us because we did not have to stress/fight/cry/plead for it?......Is allowing ourselves to experience the love we sought in one but found through another "settling" because it is not being channeled through the perfect/acceptable "package" that our "heart"...or perhaps, our flesh... tells us should be ours?...

Now...it seems... to me at least... that there is a place w/in us all where idea of having the love of a "good" man or woman often gets hazy. Women often lament about men dogging out the "good" women and treating the "vide-ho-ish gold-diggin-money-grubbin-fake hair/boobs havin" females like gold...And men lament that women always choose the "bad boys/thugs/ruff-necks" over the "descent hard working brothas"...Seems that we ALL claim to want a "good" man or woman...yet what we often choose is the "good looking" man or woman...or that which shines the brightest but proves to be either emotionally void or so emotionally in love w/ themselves that they can not even begin to comprehend the ideals of "truth in love"...or the sacrifices necessary in loving another. People who reject us...hurt us...ignore us...and are...perhaps...a representation of something out of reach... w/in ourselves...And if we "win" their love...(don't get it twisted...we are trying to "win" if they are resisting)...then we are "good enough"...Do we feel unworthy of accepting/receiving love as a "gift"...It's not "real" love if we haven't moved through our own private heaven/hell and torment/torture to obtain it?...Now, I'm not saying that the person offering us their love is "perfect"...We are all flawed...it is a symptom of being human...So...Yes, the person who instinctively loves us will hurt us...there will be "growing pains"...and there may be moments where we ask ourselves what the hell were we thinking...But the foundation of it all will be someone loving us because they can see us...perhaps..."better" than we can see ourselves...

But I digress...that is not the point here...Love is the point. The kind of love we all claim to want yet seem to always overlook or deny because it is coming from the "wrong" person...So, the question remains...

"Are we settling (down) if we accept living to be loved, w/out having to first die (heart and soul) for it?"

Full Moon

In the tender midnight of heaven, I swam peacefully within in the oasis of my beloved..enraptured by the confirmations of love that saturated our progression. With inspired curiosity, the liquid moon watched intently. Embracing my private confessions to my beloved, the moon beckoned me onto a silken shore...seeking validation of my blissful echoes.
 "Why do you love him?"

I inhaled my beloved's aura in exhaled response..."Because he tries... for me" 
I'd first encountered my beloved under shades of divinity..plush hues that seduced my dreams ripe...his aura gleamed of promise to quench my insatiable thirsts. We entranced one another...He, with an inviting dance of lush passion...fevered caressing that rekindled the embers of a long simmered plush in my soul. I, with a poetic quiescence of hunger that lingered in his layers long after dawn had interrupted the illuminating glow of twilight. We were a language sweltered in the flames of kinship...a knowing eagerly grasped with intimate understanding. We connected in a symphony of emotions that welcomed the discomforts of need...Yearnings that subdued the anger of intimacy's intrusion...And in secret whispering witnessed solely by our hearts, wondered aloud why Love had chosen us for the creating of paradise. In the midst of silent screams within..voices of caution haunting without ..and painful stings of history that provoked fear of Destiny's inevitable kiss... We fell headlong..struggling into the entity of Love. Yet, despite addiction to the taste of our cohesion, we attempted to deny the raw honesty only to come full circle in seasons of appointed submission to the calling. We'd huddled together..sequestered through years in an alliance of wounds, healing and salvation. Holding fast...protecting the necessity of slumber that cocooned the evolution of our eternity.

 "What does he try for you?"

"To be a better man"
As though awed by my rationale, and having witnessed the heartache in man's frail honor, the moon wondered aloud...
"Can he succeed?"

 Considering my beloved with silent discernment..his layers of renewal and tears of various struggle at my feet..the bliss of purpose captured in his breathing...I replied.. 
"His success is in his willingness to try"
 I paused momentarily under the moon's pondering gaze, as my beloved's whispers urgently drew me back to the nurture.. The moon's warm smile embracing my skin as I dove back into my beloved and submerged myself deeply into his welcoming pores.

Exclusively

simple words ring w/ sensual urgency...liquid w/ pulsating sincerity...flowing from his enticingly tender lips.  tactile layers of parched emotion seeking fertile ground w/in the marrows of my heart from which to bloom seamless...his paramount hunger for exclusive possession of my soul's most intimate desires, scorching frames of an adolescent resistance rooted in heartbreaks of  prematurity's insolent yearning.  delicate letters curve...bold consonants quiver and lush vowels melt in submission as they marry...a perfect cohesion giving life to mellifluous compositions that titillate then linger deep...able to permeate my pores at will.  they breathe persuasive mantras of a love i'd been provoked to relinquish as fallacy...righteous whispers of lusty texture and sinewy depth that spin lucid my rationalized attempts at expulsion, into plush prophetic visions laden w/ beguiling scents and intoxicating tastes of what our promise of love would be...in me + he...Exclusively

Soul Motion

The delicate burning quivers...tingling just beneath the recumbent surface. Sultry visions simmer in submission to hypnotic chords of sensuality, skillfully consummating a balmy composition of darkly etched grooves... underscored by tantric rhythms of sublime yearning. A deeper cadence of privacy beckons as hips swelter and thighs entwine in synchronized submersion...bewitching Time's enthralled glare. Souls flow seamlessly...engrafting a tantalizingly mellow confection of surrender. Raw emotions and breathless whispers cling, as platinum droplets... glimmering upon a misty window pane.

Corazon's Kiss

Guided by glistening celestial teardrops cascading with enlightenment, a tender current of warmth flows in sweet opposition to a melancholy linger of desires unrequited...simmering silent with palpable fury

Soul rich conversations piercing the hush of midnight's private dominion...his voice languid with an intriguing intensity...compelling to soul, visions of a long promised bliss seeking saturation

Cleansing of my heart's recumbent ardor in waves of prose that define chapters comprised of soft, symphonic verbs caressing obliging nouns in compositions of an irrepressible smile

An invitation that pleasingly resonates long after dawn's intrusion on his healing kiss.

RsVp

The Unconditional Invitation...
An intricately embedded reservation to the heart's cultivation at the throne of Love's inaugurate...
Submersion into the deepest esoteric of Love's beguiling nucleus...
Benevolent Osmosis, it's sole determined importation...
Intimacy, the elusive seduction of it's entwining transparency...
Whispers of insight into the enduring gravity and compelling mysticism boldly beckon. A calling to be lived out within the journey of submission to it's uncompromising vision and unyielding compulsion to engulf...to redefine the course and purpose of every breath exuded by it's timeless incarnation. It's formidable quality of subtle intrusion firmly rooted within a simple desire that wields it's complex hunger upon every fiber of thought and motion, that border on the sweet torture of madness to be satiated only by seamless nurture upon the ripened fruits of it's celestial rapture.
In humanity's adolescent struggle to pacify the birthmark of amorous intrigue, the essence of Love's perfect resilience has been redesigned as a corporal amalgamation of awkward oxymoron and crippling dichotomy within the syncopated rhythms of finite mortal experience.
Delineated to a raw craving independent of efficacious sustenance...
An acquirement void of responsibility to it's possessive awakening...
A gluttonous prevail sans the reciprocation of surrender...
A deceitful receiving depleted of commitment to immutable renewal...
A tactical choice to nourish with self serving rations of affection and stings of unrighteous purpose....
All the while self sabotaging in mercurial induced performance to an illusion of standing ovation under the guise of solitary completion... only to long in seclusion's travail for the liberty of soul full drowning. A constant yearning emphasized by mental burdens of nostalgia for the days of innocent wonder that preceded the nights of debauched indulgence, suppressed empathy and pseudo-intellectual enlightenment that were provoked by the blind reign of irrepressible narcissism.
Yet the sanctuary of Love's intensive bliss and the embrace of a warmth immortally compelling...
A security of divinely authored fulfillment, lies in wait for those courageous enough to yield...
to give...
to breathe...
for the sake of it's selfless gift...
the mercy of it's soul illuminating light...
the transcendence of it's ethereal kiss...
For Love, remains an omnipotent entity of steadfast benevolent virtue...
Incorruptible and immune to the egocentric evolution that is humanity's crutch...
And the Invitation to the breadth of it's undefiled purity remains, graciously Eternal.

His Mantra

 "Sexy"...He calls me.
The soothing bass of his rich whisper is succinctly compelling. His unyielding affection smoothly caressing each curve of sinewy alphabet he generously bestows upon me, with privacy’s encompassing purpose...
As though his lips were perfectly crafted to utter no other sound with as much mellifluous inspiration...
As though the name was genuinely created in the marrows of his heart and soul, to be mine alone
Decadent intentions linger then resonate as the defining syllables intimately embrace in sincere appreciation of my sensually embedded rhythms...
the beguiling willows of my sultry cadence...
the ominous seduction of my enthralling flow
I am often tempted to feign a deaf ear...just to once more hear, his rapturous melody of promised assimilation...Permanently penetrating my pores...boldly beckoning me...deeper into the preordained submersion of uncompromising incarnation...
"Sexy"