*Disclaimer-I am not lamenting on the injustice or unfairness of Life or Love...Nor am I turning my back on the "trials" that we will undoubtedly endure in order to fulfill whatever "vision" we believe God has rooted in our spirit...I am just thinking out loud...So..feel me for a moment...
OK..So...You love this PERSON ...I mean...you are deeply in LOVE w/ this person. They are "everything" you have always wanted...dreamt about...and they are "perfect" for you...And....You have tried everything humanly possible to be w/ this person...because you believe w/ your whole heart that THIS is the ONE. But trying to be w/ "the one" is about as pleasant as pulling teeth and as satisfying to your spirit as kicking against the pricks...Still...you fast/pray/claim victory after victory through heartache after heartache...disappointment after disappointment...pain... torment... anguish...torture that loving this person has brought into your life....ALL in the name of LOVE....YET still, your "beloved" remain as distant as ever...
OK..But there is someone in your life that loves you...I mean...LOVES you...Has proven their love. They are there for you...down for you...and totally into you...That "friend" that you can depend on...BUT...your heart tells you this person is not "the one"...you are just not "feeling" them THAT way...
It is said that the heart feels what it feels...wants what it wants...loves who it loves..."The heart can not be controlled".......But why does it seem that (for most of us)most of what the heart wants/feels/loves for us, life/circumstance or no amount of faith/prayer brings/gives to us?...
It has been my personal observation (and experience) that more often than not...Who we want, does not want us...and we usually do not want the ones that do. I have to ask myself why that is...Are we innately masochistic?...I mean if we are in fact truly searching for "love"...truly want to be "loved"....Why is it that we are more prone to viewing the burden of heartache attached to the pursuit of one who obviously does not see us the way we see ourselves...appreciate us the way we know we should be appreciated...value the love that we offer...is not drawn to loving us...as something we should go through...experience as a necessary part of the process of Love?...Yet at the same time, we think there is something wrong w/ taking a good look at the love that is offered w/ a pure heart...Why do we see it as "settling" to stop torturing ourselves and receive that love?...As though we are lowering our expectations by accepting the love of someone who loves us purely?...Is the person's love less meaningful/fulfilling to us because we did not have to stress/fight/cry/plead for it?......Is allowing ourselves to experience the love we sought in one but found through another "settling" because it is not being channeled through the perfect/acceptable "package" that our "heart"...or perhaps, our flesh... tells us should be ours?...
Now...it seems... to me at least... that there is a place w/in us all where idea of having the love of a "good" man or woman often gets hazy. Women often lament about men dogging out the "good" women and treating the "vide-ho-ish gold-diggin-money-grubbin-fake hair/boobs havin" females like gold...And men lament that women always choose the "bad boys/thugs/ruff-necks" over the "descent hard working brothas"...Seems that we ALL claim to want a "good" man or woman...yet what we often choose is the "good looking" man or woman...or that which shines the brightest but proves to be either emotionally void or so emotionally in love w/ themselves that they can not even begin to comprehend the ideals of "truth in love"...or the sacrifices necessary in loving another. People who reject us...hurt us...ignore us...and are...perhaps...a representation of something out of reach... w/in ourselves...And if we "win" their love...(don't get it twisted...we are trying to "win" if they are resisting)...then we are "good enough"...Do we feel unworthy of accepting/receiving love as a "gift"...It's not "real" love if we haven't moved through our own private heaven/hell and torment/torture to obtain it?...Now, I'm not saying that the person offering us their love is "perfect"...We are all flawed...it is a symptom of being human...So...Yes, the person who instinctively loves us will hurt us...there will be "growing pains"...and there may be moments where we ask ourselves what the hell were we thinking...But the foundation of it all will be someone loving us because they can see us...perhaps..."better" than we can see ourselves...
But I digress...that is not the point here...Love is the point. The kind of love we all claim to want yet seem to always overlook or deny because it is coming from the "wrong" person...So, the question remains...
OK..So...You love this PERSON ...I mean...you are deeply in LOVE w/ this person. They are "everything" you have always wanted...dreamt about...and they are "perfect" for you...And....You have tried everything humanly possible to be w/ this person...because you believe w/ your whole heart that THIS is the ONE. But trying to be w/ "the one" is about as pleasant as pulling teeth and as satisfying to your spirit as kicking against the pricks...Still...you fast/pray/claim victory after victory through heartache after heartache...disappointment after disappointment...pain... torment... anguish...torture that loving this person has brought into your life....ALL in the name of LOVE....YET still, your "beloved" remain as distant as ever...
OK..But there is someone in your life that loves you...I mean...LOVES you...Has proven their love. They are there for you...down for you...and totally into you...That "friend" that you can depend on...BUT...your heart tells you this person is not "the one"...you are just not "feeling" them THAT way...
It is said that the heart feels what it feels...wants what it wants...loves who it loves..."The heart can not be controlled".......But why does it seem that (for most of us)most of what the heart wants/feels/loves for us, life/circumstance or no amount of faith/prayer brings/gives to us?...
It has been my personal observation (and experience) that more often than not...Who we want, does not want us...and we usually do not want the ones that do. I have to ask myself why that is...Are we innately masochistic?...I mean if we are in fact truly searching for "love"...truly want to be "loved"....Why is it that we are more prone to viewing the burden of heartache attached to the pursuit of one who obviously does not see us the way we see ourselves...appreciate us the way we know we should be appreciated...value the love that we offer...is not drawn to loving us...as something we should go through...experience as a necessary part of the process of Love?...Yet at the same time, we think there is something wrong w/ taking a good look at the love that is offered w/ a pure heart...Why do we see it as "settling" to stop torturing ourselves and receive that love?...As though we are lowering our expectations by accepting the love of someone who loves us purely?...Is the person's love less meaningful/fulfilling to us because we did not have to stress/fight/cry/plead for it?......Is allowing ourselves to experience the love we sought in one but found through another "settling" because it is not being channeled through the perfect/acceptable "package" that our "heart"...or perhaps, our flesh... tells us should be ours?...
Now...it seems... to me at least... that there is a place w/in us all where idea of having the love of a "good" man or woman often gets hazy. Women often lament about men dogging out the "good" women and treating the "vide-ho-ish gold-diggin-money-grubbin-fake hair/boobs havin" females like gold...And men lament that women always choose the "bad boys/thugs/ruff-necks" over the "descent hard working brothas"...Seems that we ALL claim to want a "good" man or woman...yet what we often choose is the "good looking" man or woman...or that which shines the brightest but proves to be either emotionally void or so emotionally in love w/ themselves that they can not even begin to comprehend the ideals of "truth in love"...or the sacrifices necessary in loving another. People who reject us...hurt us...ignore us...and are...perhaps...a representation of something out of reach... w/in ourselves...And if we "win" their love...(don't get it twisted...we are trying to "win" if they are resisting)...then we are "good enough"...Do we feel unworthy of accepting/receiving love as a "gift"...It's not "real" love if we haven't moved through our own private heaven/hell and torment/torture to obtain it?...Now, I'm not saying that the person offering us their love is "perfect"...We are all flawed...it is a symptom of being human...So...Yes, the person who instinctively loves us will hurt us...there will be "growing pains"...and there may be moments where we ask ourselves what the hell were we thinking...But the foundation of it all will be someone loving us because they can see us...perhaps..."better" than we can see ourselves...
But I digress...that is not the point here...Love is the point. The kind of love we all claim to want yet seem to always overlook or deny because it is coming from the "wrong" person...So, the question remains...
"Are we settling (down) if we accept living to be loved, w/out having to first die (heart and soul) for it?"
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